Movin' Out: Part Two

I’m moving out. I’ve loved this apartment and everything that it’s had, but I’m off to move 6 blocks further west into the great land we call SoHo. Anyway here’s the run down of all the things I’ll miss about this last place:

1. Bubba the English bull dog.

Sure he’s fat, he’ll eat your feet, he barks when your watching television, and he’ll pee on the floor while your cooking, but he’s also the funniest dog I’ve ever had the pleasure of living with.

2. The big HD television.

This thing got 1000 channels, had a blue ray player, and got HBO on demand. I’m not sure what I ‘m going to do with out it.

3. The built in shelving units.

Sure everybody could always see my clothes and other crap but it was pretty sweet having all that floor space to use up with other junk.

4. No longer living on Mulberry St.

Billy Joel never sang a song titled “Big Man on Thompson St.”

5. The toilet in the closet.

Not great for when you drank too much, but a party all the same.

6. On that same vain: the infamous tub in the kitchen.

I couldn’t take a bath in you because you were too shallow. I couldn’t shower in you because of the kitchen cabinets over top of you. But I could sit in you and use a hose to bathe while my roommate’s cooked, and for that I will always miss you my dead second apartment in New York.

7. Most of all though, I’ll miss my roommates that I’ve had here.

They were really fun, great people and I wish them the best of luck on their move to San Diego.

The Ballad of Hughie the Kid

I have a New York dating service set up, and it’s called Hughie the Kid.

Hughie turned 4 yesterday. However, he was telling everybody that it was actually his 23^rd birthday.

Why 23? Because a month ago it occurred to him that if he was older than me he could boss me around. He went around telling his parents, his teacher, and strangers on the street that he was 21. I told him I had dated people older than me and they weren’t the boss of me, so he changed his mind and became 22. When his birthday rolled around he had to gain another year. Now I babysit a guy 3 years older than me (but isn’t that always the case ladies?).

Monday we were in Central park. We stopped to get ice cream from a nice booth near the pond with the little sail boats.

Once there Hughie informed the young icecream guy that he was turning 23 the next day. When I got my $5 change from the 20-something, I asked for it in ones. I wanted the ones for the children’s zoo where kids could buy animal food to feed the goats. The guy replied, “Oh sure, you need ones to take the birthday boy out to Flash Dancers?”

“Haha not today,” I replied.

“I like dancing!” Sophie, Hughie’s sister, chimed in.

“Will you go too?” Hughie asked the man.

Hughie is always acting cute around men who work at places like this. I’m pretty sure it’s so I’ll start dating one of them so he can get all the free icecream he wants all the time. In fact he used to make me take him to this bagel shop around the corner from his school because he realized the cashier had a crush on me.

Ok. Maybe he didn’t “realize” it per say; he was 3 years old for Billy’s sake, but he did understand something was going on. Every time I would pay for our bagels the cashier would flirt and give me a chocolate muffin. Hughie lived for those free chocolate muffins…

Don’t get me wrong I appreciate that the toddler is trying to get me laid. Really, I do. I just wish I could control who he’s going to try to set me up with.

Sometimes he even accidentally makes good choices. Once he was pouting and being a real sour face when we entered into the Strand.

He acted like the biggest grump I’ve ever seen until I started reading a book and he started laughing. Of course an incredibly beautiful man who was buying a book saw the whole thing happening and when he overheard me talking about a book I couldn’t find, he not only found that book, but also found a bunch of other related books…I nearly died I was so happy.

Book guy bought the book and left while I was too busy reading Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus. I missed my chance.

Of course, like other dating services Hughie can only aid in introducing me to the man; he can’t make everything else happen.

It’s just too bad Hughie hasn’t found the opportunity to introduce me to a certain "Billy the Kid"...