The Ballad of Hughie the Kid

I have a New York dating service set up, and it’s called Hughie the Kid.

Hughie turned 4 yesterday. However, he was telling everybody that it was actually his 23^rd birthday.

Why 23? Because a month ago it occurred to him that if he was older than me he could boss me around. He went around telling his parents, his teacher, and strangers on the street that he was 21. I told him I had dated people older than me and they weren’t the boss of me, so he changed his mind and became 22. When his birthday rolled around he had to gain another year. Now I babysit a guy 3 years older than me (but isn’t that always the case ladies?).

Monday we were in Central park. We stopped to get ice cream from a nice booth near the pond with the little sail boats.

Once there Hughie informed the young icecream guy that he was turning 23 the next day. When I got my $5 change from the 20-something, I asked for it in ones. I wanted the ones for the children’s zoo where kids could buy animal food to feed the goats. The guy replied, “Oh sure, you need ones to take the birthday boy out to Flash Dancers?”

“Haha not today,” I replied.

“I like dancing!” Sophie, Hughie’s sister, chimed in.

“Will you go too?” Hughie asked the man.

Hughie is always acting cute around men who work at places like this. I’m pretty sure it’s so I’ll start dating one of them so he can get all the free icecream he wants all the time. In fact he used to make me take him to this bagel shop around the corner from his school because he realized the cashier had a crush on me.

Ok. Maybe he didn’t “realize” it per say; he was 3 years old for Billy’s sake, but he did understand something was going on. Every time I would pay for our bagels the cashier would flirt and give me a chocolate muffin. Hughie lived for those free chocolate muffins…

Don’t get me wrong I appreciate that the toddler is trying to get me laid. Really, I do. I just wish I could control who he’s going to try to set me up with.

Sometimes he even accidentally makes good choices. Once he was pouting and being a real sour face when we entered into the Strand.

He acted like the biggest grump I’ve ever seen until I started reading a book and he started laughing. Of course an incredibly beautiful man who was buying a book saw the whole thing happening and when he overheard me talking about a book I couldn’t find, he not only found that book, but also found a bunch of other related books…I nearly died I was so happy.

Book guy bought the book and left while I was too busy reading Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus. I missed my chance.

Of course, like other dating services Hughie can only aid in introducing me to the man; he can’t make everything else happen.

It’s just too bad Hughie hasn’t found the opportunity to introduce me to a certain "Billy the Kid"...