The Longest Time

Today I was in the Natural History Museum and a butterfly landed on my hand.

The butterfly was extraordinary. She had a body that was bright pink and had wings that were dark brown, almost a shade of black. She stayed perfectly still on my hand as I gently lowered her so that Hughie could see her. “Hughie, look at this!” I stage whispered to my ward, my eyes welling up at the sight of such a rare creature choosing to sit on my hand.

Hughie was unimpressed.

One of the volunteers working in the Butterfly Conservatory squealed with delight and told me that I had to make a wish. She told me that a Native American tradition, “because butterflies can’t speak, they take your wishes up to heaven with them.”

My impulses lead me to make the exact same wish I’ve been making for the past eleven years. The words are so etched into the back of my mind that I don’t even realize that I think them. In the past decade I must have wished compulsively the same wish upon ten-thousand pennies, new moons, shooting stars, 11:11s, birthday candles, prayers, and eyelashes.

Yet, this was the first butterfly, and will probably be the only butterfly, to ever land on my hand and stay there.

Somehow I couldn’t help but to think I might have wasted a wish. I looked at the butterfly and tried to think if there was something better I could ask for. I stared at her and wondered what else I could possibly want more than my regular old wish. Hell, not even what I would want more, but what I would want instead.

Hughie shook me out of my thoughts. “Tol, can we please go now,” he whined. I mentally said goodbye to my butterfly; if she could hear my wishes, why couldn’t she hear my thoughts? I gently blew and my butterfly opened her wings and flew off.

I’m sorry it’s been the Longest Time since I’ve posted. I’ve had possibly 24 different entries that I’ve thought about writing, but haven’t. I could tell you about officially living in New York for one year (!), about maintaining this blog (poorly) for just as long, about Hughie’s and my first anniversary, turning 21, my new job as “Silverbelle” the Macy’s Christmas elf, my new apartment search, my acting career (ha!), my weekend in the Hamptons, my first Thanksgiving in New York, my battle against a mouse in the house, or about my college search. But how will I ever find the time to write about all of them?

Well here’s the deal. For the month of December, leading up to Christmas, I will attempt to post an entry every two to three days about each subject. Maybe this won’t last very long, I’ve been a fool, and it will take the greatest miracle of all to pull it off, but after Billy Joel blessing me with that butterfly, I am hoping (too) hard that since I’ve come this far, it can be all that I hoped for.